Wednesday, 17 December 2008

damn, ive just realised i spelt RACCOON wrong

fuck.

anyway, some items of interest:

ORPHISM
SECTION d'OR
TONALISM
ART A LA RUE
BLOOMSBURY GROUP
ACMEIST GROUP
JUGENDSTIL
VIENNA SECESSION
HEIDELBERG SCHOOL
PAN MAGAZINE
Simplicissimus Magazine

Młoda Polska
Die Brücke

Monday, 8 December 2008

Friday, 5 December 2008

really bad



So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a-salted.

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.



Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"



A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.



I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".


bad joke


I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.


A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".


Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"



A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."


Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here".


A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're
nuts."


Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."


I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."


Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.


and finally....


Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"


bad jojkwe

This is funnny | Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job

WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."

Found at The Onion.com

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Friday, 14 November 2008

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Monday, 3 November 2008

Friday, 31 October 2008

Friday, 24 October 2008

www.zineswap.com

Zineswap aims to be a resource through which people
can swap their zines with one-another.

It also aims to become a vast archive of contemporary zine publishing, existing as both an online catalogue
and an annual exhibition.

We are looking for contributions from people that self-publish their own zine or magazine. Content is not limited in anyway, your zine can be about anything.

When you send us your zines, we'll send you some back. Simple. For more information, please download the form.

When you're ready, send 3+ copies of your zine here:

ZINESWAP
30 Colenso Road
London
E5 0SL

Friday, 17 October 2008

25 OCT 2008 // Amersham Arms ////


__________________________

yeah, ill be DJing this.

imagined after: The Coolness myspace artwork

(aout 10mins)

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Rahsaan Roland Kirk - If I Loved You

...



charles mingus - goodbye pork pie hat

fireplace, xmas, sexy, young love

doodlings whilst @ mum's house






Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist- by Suren Seneviratne & Lee Fairweather | Draft

Peter Sollett’s film seems to not know its limits, take what seems a lifetime to reach an unsatisfactory end all accompanied by a list of recent Indie songs that sound all to familiar and fashionable. ‘Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist’ at first seems to have a lot going for it. A good word-of-mouth (a great reception at the Toronto International Film Festival), cast members from the Judd Apatow alumni modern brat-pack (Michael Cera, Jay Baruchel, etc.) and a healthy stateside box-office (twenty million on a ten million budget in two weeks and counting).



Whereas recent comedies such as ‘Knocked Up’ and ‘Superbad’ have shown mainly immature young males dealing with serious issues growing into responsible adults, Nick and Norah tend to celebrate the immature side of things. Although that can be funny it should be done with a sense of sophistication or lack of cliched dialogue. This film was so typical in its plot narrative, its hard not to think that this was already a waste of time. The characters are not likable in the slightest, and seem to be concerned about the most minor problems in the world which include finding a mysterious band’s secret shows, untrustworthy ex boyfriends/girlfriends and chewing gum (a gag that ran out of steam as soon as it started). Many of the problems arise from the characters own doings rather than naturally. However, in this case it makes the characters almost self destructive and spoiled as they feel sorry for themselves without any real valid reason. The story line seemed to drag on towards the latter part of the film, especially since Nick is so twisted around his ex-girlfriend and hoping to rekindle his old love for her, that he failed to see that his perfect girl was right before his eyes all along.

The film does have some redeeming elements, however. The 'hotly-tipped' Michael Cera adds dimension and comedic observations to the otherwise boring ‘Nick’ by bringing up the odd witty one-liner to brighten things here and there. And the chemistry that slowly grows between the two main leads is rather sweet and seems genuine. Unfortunately these good moments are few and far between and do not cover up the flaws. There is nothing special about this film and it would be a lie if one said it wasn't predictable.

And what the hell was Fluffy about anyway?


**************

Thursday, 9 October 2008

i found this and thought of you

#002

Enter GOOSE-MAN, a large African American man, who wears brightly-coloured sunglasses unnecessarily. That is his signature style, and is how he is known amongst his peers.

HOMO-EROTICA is a strong-chested hairy-arsed man, who originated from Chile.

CURTAINS

Short for Theatre

CURTAINS

A man enters the stage.

He is holding a Chicken.

He places the Kitchen on centre stage and exits.

The Chicken is shot dead from off-stage

CURTAINS

Short #001

EXT. BEHIND A FARM HOUSE. MIDNIGHT.

An old man, BUD HANSON, about sixty years of age, born and raised
in America all his life. BUD walks urgently towards the camera.
As he enters into a CLOSE UP SHOT, he bends down to pick up a GUN.

BUD
Nearly lost ya there, kid.


GUN
(nervously)
Ha-ha.. yeah almost!

BUD
Dont'you worry, ill soon put an end to all this mumbo-jumbo

BUD looks into his home, the kitchen light is on and through the
curtains he can see his wife MARY-ANNE, of whom is married over
forty years. He blows her a kiss goodbye and looks out to the cool,
softly swaying cornfields. The MOON is bright tonight. BUD raises the
GUN near to his chest.

BUD
I told you so..

BUD fires one shot straight into the side of his head. The gunshot
ricochets violently across the field, the loud band reverberated
between the adjoining farm houses and echoed into the distance.
BUD lay on the floor, his body mishapen as he fell to his death.

THE END.

new workings | Thurs 9 Oct




it does what it says on the tin

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